Last of the miserable me

Don't you just love that feeling when the ups and downs of your life are finally beginning to settle down? That one ray of hope shows and suddenly you find direction in life... My name is Samragi Chatim, and I'm finally learning to settle things down in my life.

A few days back, times weren't so great for me. Everything went helter-skelter, things got messed up, life was just a sad, dark place. At times like these, people tend to blame themselves for everything... low self-esteem becomes a part of their lives. I got to experience a similar situation in the past 3 months. It came as quite a surprise to me when I began to doubt my abilities. I've always been this confident, happy and laid-back girl for pretty much most of my life. I thought there was nothing in the world that would make me doubt myself. Then came 10th grade, with all its might, and it put me really down-below in my own eyes. A lot happened in the past year, a lot of discomforting situations took place. I got all broody and began to sulk all the time. But, in the past few days...I don't know what made it happen...but I finally think that things are coming around...

Life gets bad, but eventually cheers up...but the fear that it might get all dark again is what keeps us from making ourselves happy. I was scared, too. But, I realised that what matters is living life day to day...experiencing each day with the good heart, and a positive outlook. Of course, being happy all the time is not achievable, but it's definitely worth a try. Do not be scared to be happy, also, do not fear what the future holds...because living with fear is what holds us back from seizing the day...

I wrote my first blog around a week back, when I was 15. I'm 16 now...not even a week...but I already feel much better about life. So, since I'm not 15 anymore...I don't see any reason why 'miserable' should tag along! From now onwards, It's gonna be just 'ME'...whether happy or miserable or just plain random...it's just 'ME'.

Ever felt like everyone you ever loved is disappointed in you? You try your best to see to it that everyone is happy with the role you play in their lives, but fail to do so. What's even worse, is that, no one ever tries to recognise the effort you put in to make them happy. I don't mean to start this blog with negativity lurking in my heart...but it is situations like these that make us pour out our feelings in some way or the other.
I'm a regular 15 year old with her own set of problems, like each one of you who is of around my age or has ever been. Everyone reading this knows how "not easy" it is dealing with parents at this point in life... They want to protect you but at the same time want you to become responsible. During this time you might feel like they always want you to do what they want you to do...not just parents, for that matter, anyone you know tries to make your life work their way. The question remains - whom should you listen to? Everybody seems so right when explaining their theory of life! It's almost as difficult as deciding what career should I chose in life.
In the past few days, I've been through a lot of  'cheesy teenage drama'... If that's not enough, I'm gonna start going to college very soon and the pressure I'm facing to get into a good college is tremendous. I've realised that my struggle in life begins now. I want to take charge of and be responsible for my mental, physical and social well being, but, I also wanna become that little girl I used to be...the girl who was never doubted for whatever she was about to do...the girl who was so free of worry and who was a star in her world! The world is a cruel place...it keeps pressurising you till you start feeling like a pressure cooker, waiting to release that steam...and when the steam jets out, so many people get burnt or scalded unintentionally.
I'm about to turn 16 in three days...I should think of this as a new beginning, a new opportunity to prove myself...'prove'...ever thought about how much this word makes us suffer? What have we to prove to the world? To the society? To every person related to us? Moreover, why prove when you can go on without giving a crap? Now, because I've to keep proving myself and my strength and my ability to handle my life, I'm not able to do what I feel like. It's unfair how the life that's given to us is under the authoritarian rule of the society...Can't change it, can we? So, even though I'm about to complete 16 years of life, the unpleasant happenings I faced in the 15th year are gonna tag along with me for the rest of my life. Even if I don't want to remember any of it, it is always the people around me that will remind me and keep pushing me to do things whether or not it is achievable.